I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
