Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
