We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
