i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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