I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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