guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
