Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We left the knife in your bed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
