I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
