who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
