I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize