STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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