I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
