I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
