quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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