Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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