chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
