Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
babies were throwing up all over the place
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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