is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
