FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
