I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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