ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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