either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize