she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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