Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
