You smell like stripper and shame
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
