We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
