By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
