Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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