I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
