I think i peed on brittanys purse
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
