Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
