She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize