And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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