Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
