So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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