Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
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100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.