That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.