I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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