my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize