ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
