Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!