Texts From Last Night

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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.

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  (623): Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/vksk
  Replies (42) Good night (976) Bad night (6296)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

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  (402): So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy? http://tfl.nu/0629
  Replies (44) Good night (6218) Bad night (1507)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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  (418): I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out http://tfl.nu/dee8
  Replies (7) Good night (3451) Bad night (1765)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.

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  (313): you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/cddz
  Replies (9) Good night (4937) Bad night (1363)
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  (310): View more from California

  Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?

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  (310): Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life? http://tfl.nu/un84
  Replies (4) Good night (3053) Bad night (1049)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free

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  (734): It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free http://tfl.nu/3j31
  Replies (8) Good night (4506) Bad night (1573)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.

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  (978): Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane. http://tfl.nu/r200
  Replies (20) Good night (2960) Bad night (1509)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours

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  (419): You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours http://tfl.nu/i7uw
  Replies (2) Good night (2146) Bad night (731)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.

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  (240): I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks. http://tfl.nu/t0i5
  Replies (13) Good night (3675) Bad night (1248)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!

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  (314): Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo! http://tfl.nu/csd8
  Replies (2) Good night (1508) Bad night (632)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"

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  (+44): The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work" http://tfl.nu/byzn
  Replies (8) Good night (1750) Bad night (741)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.

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  (412): I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again. http://tfl.nu/ottt
  Replies (5) Good night (448) Bad night (1078)
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  (909): View more from California

  I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.

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  (909): I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting. http://tfl.nu/6xjr
  Replies (2) Good night (693) Bad night (437)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me

  (937): View more from Ohio

  And I also said, "probe me"

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  (937): I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me (937): And I also said, "probe me" http://tfl.nu/a3ve
  Replies (8) Good night (923) Bad night (568)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.

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  (727): It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood. http://tfl.nu/vd60
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (232)

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