I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I need water and some morals
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
