Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
