youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
