If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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