SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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