just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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