I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
