I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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