we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
