Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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