I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
