dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
