we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i will never coherently bang her
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize