i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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