even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
