Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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