bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm too high and old for this...
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