i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Never underestimate the power of titties
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
