I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
