My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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