i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
