Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize