she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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