Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
