I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
