Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I deserve this hangover.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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