omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize