Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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