At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
