id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
